Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND". Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thing up. An Irish Family Tradition Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink. So when Paddy's 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat...and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother. "Grandma," he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?" Granny looked deeply into Paddy's troubled brown eyes and said, "Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in August, ya dip!" 1. You find a four-leaved clover while removing belly-button lint from your navel. 2. Green water is flowing uncontrollably from all water outlets in your home. 3. You notice a leprechaun's bloody shoe in your dog's mouth. 4. You hear an echoed voice saying "Manly, yes, but I like it too" while you're showering. 5. You follow a rainbow to its end and find a pot of steamin' hot Cheez Whiz. 6. During breakfast, you realize that Lucky Charms truly are "magically delicious." 7. Someone has replaced the water in your fish tank with green beer, resulting in loud, drunken, unruly fish singing "Oh, Danny Boy" at the top of their gills. 8. You find a patch of four-leaved clovers growing in your sock drawer. 9. You receive junk mail addressed to O'Current Resident. 10. You have cornered a wet, shivering, frightened leprechaun in your laundry room and are taunting him, saying "Do you feel lucky... Punk?" You snicker uncontrollably all through "Darby O'Gill And The Little People." Their record collection is stocked only with very short artists -- Paula Abdul, Sheena Easton, Prince, Phil Collins. You get jumpy every time friends ask you if you can cover them for lunch. When you see a rainbow, you get a greedy little look in your eye. (Arrrr, there's me pot o' gold!) In your cupboard -- nothing but Lucky Charms cereal. Every time you get your paycheck, you convert it into gold coins and bury it somewhere. You insist on dancing a jig on your way to work each morning to the embarrassment of all your friends. You've been under a rock for the past few years. You just despise fairies. ("Wing Envy" if you ask me!) You try to pick up women by saying "Ah, lassie, you have dazzling kneecaps, you do." When drunk, you discourse endlessly on shoes, and annoy folks by saying things like "How can ye not know what a grommet is, lad? You're wearing several on yer feet! What are ye, dumb?" Around St. Patrick's Day, you stock up on Shamrock Shakes at McDonald's. When you say something is "magically delicious," it really is. And the number one way you can tell you might be a Leprechaun: You're three feet tall, Irish, have red hair, cuss, drink and wear green a lot! | |||||||
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Thursday, March 17, 2011
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