Pot-Luck-Humor - Puns of the Day...

 

PUNS OF THE DAY... We were so poor as children, we had very little to eat. One day, my mother sent me to the basement to find what I could for dinner. After a long search, I came back with some beets. This was not enough to feed our family of 6. So, my mother sent me to the attic to kill the family of wrens who had moved in there. My mother cooked the wren and we waited for my father to get home from work. As it got later, my mother put the wren in the refrigator to keep until my father came home. (we always ate as a family). When my father arrived late that evening we sat down to eat the wren and beets, but first my father prayed over the food, "God bless the beets and the chilled wren.." Thieves who steal corn from a garden Could be charged with stalking. Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?" The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the ambulance window. "Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, maybe 55." I tried to bake using insects But wound up with very cross ants. Brother Albert was at the bottom of the heap. He had not the intelligence to deliver a sermon; the skill to prepare a meal; the education to copy the Scriptures; not even the coordination to wash dishes. He was thus relegated to the lowest of tasks at the priory -- keeping the stables clean. Nonetheless, he welcomed his service to the Lord and spent most of his working hours humming the chants from the matins. So, when a villager stopped by and asked to be taught an inspirational song, the Prior referred him to Albert. "He tends to perform most of the ditty work around here." When she told me I was average, She was just being mean. Two surgeons and a dermatologist were having lunch in the hospital cafeteria. The first two doctors began to laugh hysterically. "What's so funny?" the confused dermatologist asked. "I'm sorry, you wouldn't understand," said one of the surgeons. "It's an inside joke." I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it. All but two of the dancers were in costume early for the matinee performance. At 1:55 the distressed director asked this pair of women why they were not yet in costume. The first one said, "it may seem like a silly superstition but I never put mine on until 1:58." 'What about you, the same thing?" he asked the other dancer. She replied, "Oh yes, I have a two to two tutu, too!  An optimist is a very dense fog, But a bigamist is even denser. In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States. It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. The class was taking it in and letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her final argument by stating, "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?" The rotting food in the garbage can behind the restaurant was covered with flies. To the vectors go the spoils.  A couple of blond men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blond men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "Alright. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "Uh... I'd better go check." After awhile, the blond returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house.

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Make Yourself Heart Attack Proof - Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5215695644951404318

Chocolate, Cheese, Meat & Sugar - Physically Addictive Foods
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3214100593069532942

Foods That Kill & Foods That Heal by Dr. Michael Klaper
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1549763175867837730

Professor T. Colin Campbell PhD --
Animal protein (meat and dairy) causes cancer
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1308977765978236346

==> Earthlings (please watch this - tnx)
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6361872964130308142

"Independence is my happiness, ... my country is the
world, and my religion is to do good." ~ Thomas Paine

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