Pot-Luck-Humor - Words of Wisdom from famous people

 

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' -   Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)            ------------------------------------------------ The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible - George Burns           ------------------------------------------------ Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge            ------------------------------------------------ Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain             ----------------------------------------------- By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates             ----------------------------------------------- I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx               ---------------------------------------------- My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante             ---------------------------------------------- I have never  hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor               --------------------------------------------- Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine             ---------------------------------------------- My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield            ---------------------------------------------- Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan             --------------------------------------------- Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP . - Joe Namath           ---------------------------------------------- I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope             --------------------------------------------- I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.. - W. C. Fields           ---------------------------------------------- We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers         ------------------------------------------------ Don't worry about avoiding temptation.   As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill            ---------------------------------------------- Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.. - Phyllis Diller           ----------------------------------------------- By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal               ---------------------------------------------- And the cardiologist's diet: -  If it tastes good spit it out.

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