Sunday, February 20, 2011

MisfitsCafe.com - Engineering Vocabulary

 

Engineering Vocabulary

 1. "It Is In Process" -
So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is hopeless.

 2. "We'll look into it" -
By the time the wheel makes a full turn, 
We assume that you'll have forgotten about it too.

 3. "A Program" -
Any assignment that can't be completed with one phone call.

 4. "Expedite" -
To confound confusion with commotion.

 5. "Channels" -
The trail left by inter-office memos.

 6. "Co-ordinator" -
The guy who has a desk between two expediters.

 7. "Consultant" -
Any ordinary guy with a briefcase 50 miles from home.

 8. "To activate" -
To make copies and add more names to the memo.

 9. "To implement a program" -
Hire more people and expand the office.

10. "Under Consideration" -
Never heard of it.

11. "Under active consideration" -
We're looking for the file.

12. "A meeting" -
A mulling by master-minds.

13. "A Conference" -
A place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of labour and the loneliness of thought.

14. "To negotiate" -
To seek a meeting of the minds without the knocking of heads together.

15. "Re-Orientation" -
Getting used to working again.

16. "Reliable source" -
The guy you just met.

17. "Informed source" -
The guy who told the guy you just met.

18. "Unimpeachable source" -
The guy who started the rumour.

19. "A Clarification" -
To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

20. "We are making a survey" -
We need more time to think of an answer.

21. "Note and Initial" -
Let's spread the responsibility for this.

22. "Let's get together on this" -
I'm assuming you're as confused as I am.

23. "See me about it" -
Come down to the office, I'm lonely.

24. "Give us the benefit of your present thinking" -
We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what
     We have already decided to do.

25. "We will advise you in due course" -
When we figure it out we'll let you know.

26. "To give someone the Picture" -
A long confused and inaccurate statement to a newcomer.

27. "Forwarded for your consideration" -
You hold the bag for awhile.

28. "Approved, subject to comment" -
Redo the damn thing while you're waiting.
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