Pot-Luck-Humor - A few Adultish laffs...

 

A few Adultish laffs... Two guys were walking down the street one day when they   came across a small pair of gym shorts on the ground. They decided to put a sign up on the church bulletin board so the rightful owner could claim them. The first one starts to write out the sign, "FOUND: one pair of boys gym shorts..." "Hold on," says the second, "Those are girls gym shorts." "No they're not," says the first, "They're boys shorts!" The second grabs them from him and takes a closer look, "No, no... Definitely girls gym shorts!" The two of them are inspecting the shorts in turns and arguing. "Boys shorts!", "No, girls shorts!", "Definitely boys shorts!".... And so on. The local priest is walking past as the two men argue and can't help but ask them what the commotion is all about. The first guy tells the priest, and asks him if he could sort out the argument. The priest takes the shorts, has a good long sniff, and after pondering for a few moments he looks at the two men and says: "Definitely boys shorts!......... But not from my parish!" _____________ Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm together and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the happy child as theirs. "Isn't it wonderful?" one gay says to the other. "All these unhappy babies .... And yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!" The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his ass !" _________________ A little old lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods. Suddenly, a little white duck, all covered with poop, crossed her path. "Oh, dear," the lady said, "come on, I'll clean you!" She took a Kleenex from her purse and whipped the duck clean. After finishing, she urged the duck away saying, "Be careful next time!" She walked on and another duck with poop all over it crossed her way. Again, she took out a Kleenex and cleaned the little duck. She warned this one as well and the duck took off. Soon after, she encountered a third duck with the same problem. "Now I've had it!" she whined, "What have you all been Doing?" And for the third time she played Florence Nightingale and tended to the duck. She continued her stroll when suddenly she heard a voice from the bushes. "Hey, you, lady!" shouted Little Johnny, sounding in some distress. "Yes?" she replied. "Do you have a Kleenex?" Little Johnny asked. "No, not anymore," she answered, "I've just used them all." "Too bad. I guess I'll just have to find another duck," replied Little Johnny. _______________ An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her. "I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous." "I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home." "Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals so you should have your husband check that too." "Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check this when I get home." True to her word, when the Amish lady got home, she told her husband about the broken reflector. He said he would put a new one on immediately. "Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake." ____________ A guy, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck and they found themselves stranded on a desert island. After being there awhile, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the guy had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening, red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the guy started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in, cautiously leaned over to the young woman, and whispered in her ear... "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?" _____________

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