Pot-Luck-Humor - How to Measure your Penis...........In case you were interested.................lol!!

 

We all have seen those ads: "Hot, hung GWM stud, 9x6" tool seeks..." and yet, when the pants come off, we are left wondering where that "hot hung stud" might have left 2 of his 9 inches. It is not uncommon for a man to "guesstimate" the size of his penis now and again. At other times, some men will measure and think, "That CAN'T be accurate! It seems much bigger than that!" and they re-measure from a starting point that will give them the length they desire ~ a size that sounds more "manly" to them. The most shameless among us will wantonly embellish their penis size with no regard to honesty. Hey... if they can fool you into believing 6 is 8, all the better. Unfortunately, padding your penis-size only serves to undermine the true impact of the real figures. For example, when one man calls his 6-inch cock an 8-incher, he might fool his partner into believing that his average size dick is actually the stuff of which horsecocks are made. The next guy, an honest man with a true and appreciable 7", may in turn find himself turned down by the size queen who has been duped into believing 6 inches is supposed to be 8. Moral bankruptcy and the fall of civilization are surely around the corner... Remember, you can put a Cadillac emblem on a Yugo but that won't make the car a Cadillac. Saying your dick is bigger doesn't make it so. Oh, and let no man tell you he doesn't know the size of his penis... every man has measured his at least once in his life, even if inaccurately. If he hasn't, he's probably ultra-straight or lying. You wouldn't build a house based on whether or not your lumber "looked" like it was eight feet long or so, so why use such improper techniques when assigning dimensions to your most personal and coveted attribute? In order to help eliminate the confusion and hurt feelings caused by this misrepresentation, we present to you a do-it-yourself guide for measuring your penis correctly.

---

TOOLS YOU WILL NEED: 1) A Ruler or a Tape Measure, American Standard 2) Your Penis (or the penis of another) 3) Time 4) Paper & Pencil OPTIONAL MATERIALS Lubricant (sexual ~ your choice) An X-Rated Video & playback equipment A snug-fitting Cockring A Dirty Magazine or sexually stimulating photos An Assistant (not necessary, but helpful)

INSTRUCTIONS First, take your penis and begin stroking it gently until it becomes fully hard. You may wish to use any of the optional materials available to you to help you get to this stage. Once you have achieved full hardness, take the ruler in one hand, and place the end marked "0" (or the end with the lowest number) against the point where the top of your penis makes a conjunction with your torso. (Point "A", Fig. A & B) Do not press the ruler into your torso. Simply lay it gently along the top of your penis. Using your pencil, carefully mark on the ruler where the tip of your penis (that's the part that goes in first) lines up with the fractional INCH markings on the ruler. (Point "B", Figs. A & B). Count to the nearest 1/4", and then write this measurement down on the piece of paper. If your penis curves in any direction, it would be advisable to use a tape measure instead of a ruler so it may easily follow the curve of your penis and give you a more accurate measure. (Fig. B)

INCORRECT METHODS OF PENIS MEASUREMENT Honey, God only gives a man so much! The following photos are examples of incorrect measurement of the penis, and should not be used to determine penis length. Figure 1: Outer Limits Method Incorrect Notice how the ending point (B) bears no relationship to the actual "usable" portion of the penis? Also notice the start point (A) is not on the penis at all. This is where many inaccurate penis measurements originate. Remember, only measure the part of your penis that others can appreciate & enjoy ~ inside. Figure 2: Outer Limits Method Incorrect In this view from behind, notice how the starting and ending points of the measure again give a false impression of the usable portion of the penis itself. The penis is never supposed to be measured to the geographic center of the ass pucker. Figure 3: Surface Area Measure Incorrect This round and about method may add an impression of length to your measurement, however it, too, is incorrect. It is also more difficult and cumbersome to achieve. Figure 4: Balls Included Method Incorrect Measuring from the tip to the balls is a very popular method of penis measurement. Notice how much extra length is achieved by measuring to point B instead of point True B. Unfortunately, this method is also incorrect, as the balls account for no usable length of the penis itself. This type of measurement should also be avoided. Figure 5A: Adding Foreskin Length Incorrect Some penises have extra adornments that look nice but are really not to be included in the measurement. Foreskin is one such adornment. Foreskin does not actually add to the reportable length of the erect penis (even when stretched) as it often slides back off the head and down the shaft anyway. Go ahead... measure your foreskin... just don't add that figure to your penis length. Figure 5b: Piercings / Erotic Jewelry Incorrect Hot as they are, erotic piercings are non-natural adornments. And while they add to the overall visual dynamics of the pierced penis, again they should not be included in the measure. MEASURING AROUND YOUR PENIS ACCURATELY The only stiff tool in this exercise should be your dick Tools you will need: Your Penis (or the penis of another) Measuring Tape (tailor's) or Piece of string at least 7" long Pencil or tailor's chalk Piece of writing paper Scissors Optional Materials: Same as above. INSTRUCTIONS Again, take your penis and begin stroking it gently until it becomes fully hard. You may wish to use any of the optional materials available to you to help you get to this stage as before. Once full hardness is achieved, take the measuring tape and wrap it around your penis. Start with the end marked "0" (or the end with the Lowest number), and holding that end to your penis somewhere in the middle of the shaft, wrap the tape around until it meets again. At this very point (see arrows) you note the measurement and write it down as before. If you are using a string, repeat the above process, instead wrapping the string around and marking it with either the pencil or the tailor's chalk where it crosses itself. Then remove the string and measure the distance between the pencil marks. If you have what is often called a "mushroom head" type penis, you can repeat the same procedure to accurately measure the circumference of your mushroom head. Some men find this statistic exciting, but it's most impressive when used in conjunction with the measurement of the shaft for comparison's sake. INCORRECT METHODS The following photos are examples of incorrect measurement of the circumference of the penis, and should not be used to determine penis girth. FIGURE 6: Psychic Body Measurement. INCORRECT (Also called the "Orbital Path" Measurement) When measuring around your penis, the idea is to measure the shaft of the penis itself, not the aura of the shaft of the penis. The aura has no physical properties and is therefore invalid in this assessment. FIGURE 7: The California Wrap INCORRECT The Classic California Wrap, usually used by those not wishing to cut their pieces of recycled string into smaller bits, is again inaccurate. Though it does give an impressive register of penis girth, it is another type of false reading and should never be employed. MEMBERS MEASURE UP E8doughnts shows us his proper measuring technique AND a true 8" penis. Jbarnes uses a tailor's tape to measure around his beercan thick six inch shaft. Now that you have the basics of penis measuring "under your belt", try it yourself and discover your true penis size. Don't worry if your measurements don't give you a dimension you think sounds all that studly... let your partners be pleasantly surprised when they find out that it seems a lot bigger than they imagined it would be! I now know my A.P.S. (Accurate Penis Size) and I can go with my head held high

--
http://misfitscafe.com/Azbrujo

You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

__._,_.___

Reply to sender | Reply to group | Reply via web post | Start a New Topic

Messages in this topic (1)

Recent Activity:

• New Members 1

Visit Your Group

***\\\ Snippets from StumpySteve's MisfitsCafe ///***

* PLEASE PLEASE LISTEN TO ALL OF THIS BEFORE VOTING
Oh My @ Dr. David Janda's Whole Talk (22min) ...
==> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RMNowM8b4Y

* FOR LINKS TO THE NEW PROMISFITS BLOGS - GO TO ...
http://stumpysteve.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=691

"Prayer indeed is good, but while calling on the gods
a man should himself lend a hand." -- Hippocrates --

* To email StumpySteve, use ohmy@misfitscafe.biz

***\\\ Thanks For Reading StumpySteve's Snippets ///***

Switch to: Text-Only, Daily Digest • Unsubscribe • Terms of Use

.

__,_._,___