As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw
that one of them was marching out of step.
Walking up next to the man as they marched, he said
sarcastically: "Do you know they are all out of step
except you?"
"What?" asked the recruit innocently.
"I said -- they are all out of step except you!" thundered
the sergeant.
The recruit replied, "Well, sarge, you're in charge –
you tell them!"
- - - - -
While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training
exercise, a Huey Cobra messes up and lands on its tail rotor.
The landing is so hard it breaks off the tail boom.
However, the chopper fortunately remains upright on its skids,
sliding down the runway, doing 360s.
As the Cobra slides past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of
sparks, this radio exchange takes place:
Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"
Cobra: "I don't know, Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."
- - - - -
Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a
"marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners.
So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he
brought Jill breakfast in bed.
Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She
looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached?
I wanted scrambled!"
Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a
scrambled egg.
Jill wasn't having any of it. "Do you think I don't like
variety? I wanted poached this morning!"
Determined to please Jill, the next morning he thought,
"Third time's a charm" and brought her two eggs -- one
scrambled and one poached.
"Here, my love, enjoy!"
Jill looks at the plate and says, "You scrambled the wrong egg."
- - - - -
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the
pastor with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if
you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part
where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey'
and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just l
eave that out."
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's
vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her
every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every
morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your
lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman,
as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice,
"Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought
we had a deal."
The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered:
"She made me a better offer."
- - - - -
Parents can be very upset when their children don't get into
the college of their choice.
As an admissions counselor for a state university, I took a
call from an irate mother who was demanding to know
why her daughter had been turned down.
Avoiding any mention of the transcript full of Ds, I explained
that her daughter just wasn't as "competitive" as the
admitted class. "Why doesn't she try anther school for a
year and then transfer?" I suggested.
"Another school?!" exclaimed the mother. "Have you
seen her grades?"
- - - - -
A wealthy man sat in his attorney's office.
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"
the lawyer asked.
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" the man asked incredulously.
"I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"It's of you and your mistress."
- - - - -
Judy: "Can you believe it that on my way to work this
morning a man showed me the lining of his raincoat?"
Betty: "Are you sure he only wanted you to see his raincoat?"
Judy: "Oh, yes! He wasn't wearing anything else."
- - - - -
Judy was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets.
Someone asked her what the bracelet was for.
She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs."
The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats too?"
Judy: "I don't know... I haven't learned how to cook those yet."
all of his numbers continue to improve. He also said ...
http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/MisfitsCafe/message/168
The Most Astonishing Health Disaster of the Century !!!
==> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPI7zdGdqo4
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(='.'=) Dear Dorothy, Hate Oz. Took the shoes.
(")_(") Find your own way home!!! xoxo Toto
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