Pot-Luck-Humor - Adult Puns!

 

ADULT PUNS! THe difference between a Genealogist and a gynaecologist is: A Genealogist looks up your family tree, and A gynaecologist looks up your family bush. The playboy encountered a lovely young thing on one of his trips abroad and decided to marry her. Blessing the fact that she was not only a virgin but totally naive, he seized on the wedding night as a chance to break her in right, and had her suck him off a number of times. The next day, the bride went to see her mother, and burst into tears almost immediately. "Oh, Mother," she sobbed . "I did so want to have children, and now I just know I never shall." "Now, now, dear, what makes you so sure?" asked the mother soothingly. "Because." she wept, "because I'll never learn to swallow that dreadful stuff!" An eight-year-old kid swaggered into the lounge and demanded of the barmaid, "Give me a double Scotch on the rocks." "What do you want to do, get me in trouble?" the barmaid asked. "Maybe later," the kid said. "Right now, I just want the Scotch." Sherry, the pert and pretty Nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me." she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." "I see." nodded the psychiatrist. "And you want me to strengthen your will power and resolve so you have the morals to quit going to bed with doctors?" "For Heaven's sake, no!" exclaimed the Nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterwards." An Englishman shot himself in the groin recently after drinking 15 pints of beer, and stuffing a sawed-off shotgun down his pants. Apparently, the man was under the impression the gun wasn't fully cocked, and now he isn't either. The teacher was telling the kids about the birds and the bees and she explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest. Little Johnny at the back of the class put his hand up and asks the teacher, "Are you sure about the stork, miss? I think you're getting your birds mixed up 'cos my big sister just got a little baby, and she said it came from a black pecker at the beach!" Men are like bank accounts. Once they withdraw, they lose interest. A man goes to the doctor's office one day. The nurse, quite attractive, says, "The doctor is over at the hospital right now. He won't be back for about an hour. Could you tell me your symptoms, please?" He tells her. She looks at him appraisingly and decides he's just tense. She offers, "Well, um, for $50, I've got just the thing for you!" He agrees, and she takes him into an examining room and screws the daylights out of him. About a week later, he returns, only to find that the doctor is there. The doctor listens to the man's symptoms, examines him, and decides the man is just tense... He writes out a prescription for a sedative and says, "That'll be $150 for this visit." The man says, "If it's all the same to you, doctor, I'd rather have the $50 cure!" Cherry Float: A virgin on a water bed. Amy and Wendy are stumbling home one night. One of the girls has to take a piss and stumbles off into a field. After quite sometime the girl waiting goes looking for the other girl. She finds her sucking off some horse. When she asks what she's doing, the girl replies, "Hang on I think I might be able to get us a ride home." The Seven Dwarfs were all in bed feeling Happy- then, he got out of bed so, they felt Grumpy instead. A foursome of guys are waiting at the men''s tee while a foursome of women are hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet. Then, she goes over and whiffs it completely. Then, she hacks it another ten feet and finally hacks it another five feet. She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess all those fuckin' lessons I took over the winter didn't help." One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it. You should have taken golf lessons instead!" He was 43 years old. He never even had a chance to duck.

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Professor T. Colin Campbell PhD --
Animal protein (meat and dairy) causes cancer
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1308977765978236346

==> Earthlings (please watch this - tnx)
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6361872964130308142

"The person who says it cannot be done should not
interrupt the person doing it." ~ Chinese Proverb.

"Independence is my happiness, ... my country is the
world, and my religion is to do good." ~ Thomas Paine

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