MisfitsCafe.com - ADULT PUNS!

 

ADULT PUNS! Birth control pills are deductible only if they don't work. Bill met Sharon in a nightclub. They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the evening Sharon invited Bill to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together. Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other. After a short while, Sharon began tenderly stroking Bill's manhood. Surprised but appreciative, Bill comments, "Surely you can't be ready for more already?" Sharon replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and miss the days when I had mine. " Antarctica and a women's clitoris are alike, Most men know it's down there, but don't care. Effie was a faithful maid who worked for an old spinster for a few years. One day, she Announced that she could only work until noon because she had to take her son to the doctor. "But Effie, I didn't know you were married. I thought you were an old maid like me." "I ain't married, and I am an old maid. But I ain't the fussy kind." I see sales for Viagra are way down. I guess all those old guys finally figured out that sex with an old woman is not worth $20. One day, a mother walks by her young son's room and sees little Johnny masturbating. Later, she has a talk with him and tells him that good little boys save it until they are married. A few weeks later, the mom is having another talk with little Johnny. "How are you doing with that problem we talked about, dear?" she asks. Little Johnny cheerfully replies, "Great! So far, I've saved nearly a quart! " Walruses go to Tupperware parties to find a tight seal. On Saturday morning, I got up early to go out fishing, as usual. I put on my long johns, dressed quietly got my lunch made, grabbed the dog and went to the garage to hook up the boat to the truck and down the driveway I went. Coming out of the garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph. Minutes later, I returned to the garage. I came back into the house and turned the TV to the weather channel. I find it's going to be bad weather all day long, so I put the boat back in the garage, quietly undressed and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "Darling, the weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replied, "Sweetheart, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that mess?" There ARe a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. An old man just had a heart transplant and was getting instructions from his doctor. He was placed on a strict diet, denied tobacco and alcohol, and advised to get at least eight hours sleep a night. "What about my sex life?" asked the old man "Will it be all right for me to have intercourse?" "Only with your wife," said the doctor. "We don't want you to get too excited." Confucius said: Man with tight trousers, pressing his luck. Door bell rings. The man from next door says, he needs help. His wife is having a seizure. Next door, on the floor the wife is naked and thrashing about wildly. The man says help me hold her down. Once the wife's limbs are pinned the man rips off his clothes. "When I climb on let her loose!" What's the deal with incense. It smells like somebody set fire to a clothes hamper. Gym socks and jasmine. Do we need that smell? You know what incense smells like? If flowers could fart.

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