| Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. | |
| | Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. |
| I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?"
She hit me. | | |
| | How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America ? |
| A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!" | |
| | I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I
HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! |
| When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk." | |
| | Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be
able to tell the difference. |
| Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? |
|
| | Why is it that our children
can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? |
| Wouldn't you know it.................
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever. | |
| | Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside? |
| Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier" | |
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