My Sexy Erotic Adult Stories Links: MisfitsCafe.com

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

MisfitsCafe.com - Mix of Adult Humour ...

Mix of Adult Humour ...

What men do after sex?

2% eat;

3% smoke cigarettes;

4% take a shower;

5% go to sleep and

86% get up and go back home to their wives.

AGES OF VAGINA:

16 TO 19     BRAND NEW.
20 TO 28    SLIGHTLY USED
29 TO 36    SECOND HAND
37 TO 45    SUBJECT TO REPAIR
46 TO 55    FOR LUBRICATION
56 TO 60     TOTAL WRECK
61 TO 70    CLOSED FOR RENOVATION!!!

Why is your penis better than a credit card?

(a)   Once spent it recharges itself.
(b)   It is accepted worldwide.
(c)   You can let your wife use it as much as she wants.

LITTLE GIRL:     Mommy, I just found out that our neighbour's son has a penis like a peanut!
MUM:                You mean it's small?
LITTLE GIRL:     No it's salty!!!

A couple recently married was happy with the whole thing.

He was happy with the hole, and she was happy with the thing.

A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.
The lady sitting next to him asked: Are they your babies?
MAN: No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer COMPLAINTS.

Women top 5 lies: from the whitest down

5.   I am a virgin.
4.   It is so big..
3.   I can't do that to my best friend.
2.   I won't gain weight after marriage
1.   I am coming! I am coming!!!

A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says:

You want to play magic.

She says:

What is that?

He says:

We go home, screw, and then you disappear.

What is the closest thing to a woman's period?

Your SALARY...

It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5 days,

And

If it doesn't come, you are F*CKED!!!

Teacher asked:

Which part of the body goes to heaven first?
A Kid replied :

The legs...because every night I see my mum's legs up high and screaming,

'OH GOD! I'M COMING'.

Teacher:

Why did you bring your cat to school?
Pupil :

Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say,

'TONIGHT, I WILL EAT YOUR PUSSY'.

What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain?

Answer :

When you pull down the stage curtain, show is over,

But when you pull down the PANTY...

IT'S SHOWTIME.

MUM:

Didn't I tell you if a stranger touches your breast say 'DON'T'.

And if he touches your pussy say STOP!

GIRL :

But mum, he touched both, so I told him

DON'T STOP!!!!'

GIRLS REACTION TO PENIS SIZES

9 INCHES -    Oh Shit, pain!!!
7 INCHES -    Oh, I'm in heaven
6 INCHES -    OH PERFECT
5 INCHES -    UMMMM OK
4 INCHES -    PUSH MORE
3 INCHES -      IS THAT IN???
2 INCHES -    IDIOT!! JUST USE YOUR TONGUE!!!