MisfitsCafe.com - ROTTEN adult JOKES!!!

 

ROTTEN adult JOKES!!!     Ladies, what kind of dick are you getting? MISERABLE DICK - When the guy is extremely handsome. He says the right things and does the right things. When it comes to sex, He is lacking in this department. He sucks your tits too hard, Kisses your mouth too long, Stays around your neck forever. He fingers you like a GYN Doctor, Licks your pussy like he's in a track meet &  Has a very small dick. You try to give him some head, Only to find that you are actually sucking a pacifier. This is so miserable. You think, "how can a guy so fine, so polite be so weak." To top everything off ladies, How about just when in your mind you're going to try to get the best out of this, even if you have to make yourself cum, and he beats you to the punch. DAMN TOLERABLE DICK - This is funny dick. He eats major pussy. He eats it so good, Your knees feel a little weak. It was good enough to make you shed a tear. Then, he puts his dick in, Just for you to realize that you cannot really feel it!! His stroke is UN-timely and non-rhythmic. You work with it by riding on it as if you were in a wild wild west film. You hold your pelvis real tight and try to visualize the last big dick you had to get your mind off this less filling dick. It's funny because in the man's mind he'll say, That we just have big pussies from having too much sex &  That is why we cannot feel him. Only for them to forget that the pussy is a muscle that accommodates the size of the penis. INTERNET DICK - Well, how would we define this type of dick? You see, online they talk a damn good game, but you never know what to expect in person. Then, you meet and you Fuck and the dick is trash. They talk the bottom out of it, But HE COULD NOT MAKE YOU CUM!!! OVERWHELMED DICK - I believe this dick ladies we all can testify to. Whoa! This is the type of dick you misjudged. You saw some signs of weakness in this man. He always caters to you and really does not discuss what he can do in bed with you. When kissing him, you notice you make his knees weak. You hold out on giving him some and tease him. You know what size dick he has because you have either: (a) Already gave him some mean ass head, or (b) Stroked it while he was wearing pants or boxers. So, you thought in your mind, "I am going to whip him." Only to find he laid the "SMACK DOWN" on your pussy. He had you in a figure eight. You were so overwhelmed that you could not even speak. Your whole pre-calculated Fuck was down the drain. He had more game than you. He was like an energizer bunny that keep going and going &  You kept cumming and cumming. Now, you look at him in a different light. PUNISHABLE DICK -  You see, the guy you're sleeping with punishes your pussy. If he has a bad day at work he "punishes your pussy". If he has a bad meal, "he punishes your pussy". If he is pissed off at you, "he punishes your pussy." No matter what, "he punishes your pussy". It is easy to tell if the guy you're with falls into this category. He always uses phrases like these when he is fucking you: "DON'T RUN FROM THIS DICK", "AIN'T THIS SOME GOOD  DICK?" "TELL ME YOU LIKE THIS DICK", "WHAT'S MY NAME?", "WHO'S PUSSY IS THIS?", "I DON'T HEAR YOU TALKIN' SHIT NOW", "YOU LIKE IT WHEN I GET IN THIS PUSSY DON'T YA?". GUILTY DICK - The dick you're getting from someone who is not your man. Ladies who have cheated on their man temporarily can say, "AMEN" to this type of dick. Ladies, this is the type of dick that makes you cry and confess to your man you fucked someone else. The guilty dick made you want to tell somebody. Guilty dick is in a class of its own. Guilty dick will make you look and feel different about the dick you got at home. Guilty dick makes you have multiple orgasms. Makes you cry &  You have no clue to why. This dick is so intense, When it is being administered It sends you into a trance. He has a slow, long stroke, sweats on you, Asks you if your comfortable about six times, You started at 6PM and it Is now going on 9PM and he is not tired and hasn't cum yet. The lips on your pussy are so swollen that if you got outta bed they would be draggin' the ground. It hurt so good. He licks on your pussy as if he was a baby cat licking warm milk, he savors it like you're the main course meal. He smells it like fine wine. By now you're in shock and forget about your man. He has at least two inches more than your man. When you're back with your man, you're wondering why he can't perform like guilty dick. You even have the nerve to get mad and then instruct him to do what guilty dick did to you. PLEASURABLE DICK - This is good convent. Easy dick. Dick you can call when your body needs a fix. He gives you major head like GUILTY DICK, and fucks you like GUILTY DICK. Only thing is, You do not have a man so you're not feeling guilty. Whenever you call, This dick is ready. His dick craves your pussy. This dick is available in any place at anytime. GOTDAMN DICK - Ladies, now this is dick that will definitely send you to hell if you're not married to it. This dick is just like PLEASURABLE and GUILTY DICK. His dick is anywhere from 9.5 to 11 inches long and has the circumference of a half dollar. This dick makes you numb, cry and pray all at the same time. While he is getting it doggy style, You look towards the heavens and say, "GOTDAMN THIS IS SOME GOOD DICK". CAP'N DICK - This is the gold mine dick. This dick is the dick that you commit yourself too. You do not cheat on it and you keep it a well kept secret. In fact, you constantly crave and feign for it. When you get this dick, You go through convulsions. This is the dick that makes you EVERREADY. You call in sick from work for it. This dick is so major it is OVERWHELMED DICK, PLEASURABLE DICK, GUILTY DICK and GOTDAMN DICK all in one. This is the dick that you want to put insurance on, just in case anything should happen to it. This dick makes you stutter while speaking and has you nervous for no reason. You lay back afterwards thinking "THIS IS HOMEWRECKIN', GOTTA TELL MY MAMA, GOTTA TELLS SOMEBODY, ANYBODY DICK" Now ladies, which one would/do you have?!!! Q. Why is air a lot like sex? A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

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