This guy comes home dead tired from working a twelve-hour
shift and collapses into bed.
He's just about asleep when his wife rolls over and says,
"What would you do if I told you that you had a beautiful,
sexy, horny woman lying next to you?"
He replied, "Don't worry honey, I'd stay faithful."
- - - - -
During basic army training, a sergeant was telling his group
how a submachine gun sprayed bullets. He drew a circle on
a blackboard and announced that it had 260º.
"But, sergeant, all circles have 360º to them," remarked one
of the trainees.
"Don't be stupid," the sergeant roared. "This is a small circle!"
- - - - -
"So," jealous Judy asked the detective she had hired, "did you
trail my husband?"
"Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, then to a
restaurant and then to a house."
A big smile crossed Judy's face,"Aha!! Then I've got him!"
she said, gloating." Is there any doubt what he was doing?"
"No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "It's pretty clear that he was
following you and taking pictures of you and this other man
having sex. By the way, nude pictures of you are all over
the Internet."
- - - - -
A Limerick:
There once was a woman from Latch,
Who jacked herself off with a match.
She got so excited,
The damn thing ignited,
And burned all the hair off her snatch!
- - - - -
A single girl who worked in a busy office arrived one morning
and began passing out big cigars and candy, both tied with blue
ribbons.
When asked what the occasion was, she proudly displayed a
new diamond solitaire ring on her third finger, left hand, and
announced, "It's a boy, six feet tall and 190 pounds!"
- - - - -
A young couple were married and celebrated their first
night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time
again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes
into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from
the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the
bedroom.
When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door,
exposing his un-aroused body for the first time to his bride.
Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they
stopped and stared and she asked shyly, "What's that?"
pointing to a small part of his anatomy.
He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said,
"Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night."
And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"
- - - - -
Sister Margaret had been a Nun all her life. Then she was
called to her reward. As she approached the Pearly Gates,
St. Peter said, "Hold on, Sister Margaret; not so fast!"
"But I have been good all my life and dedicated to the work
of the Lord from the time I was taken in as an infant by the
sisters at the Convent to my dying breath. I have lived for this
moment!" Sister Margaret exclaimed in disbelief.
"That is just the problem," replied St. Peter. "You never learned
right from wrong and, to get into Heaven, you must know the
difference between right and wrong.
"Well, what can I do? I will do anything to get into Heaven!"
Sister Margaret pleaded.
"I am going to have to send you back down to Earth. When
you get there I want you to smoke a cigarette and call me
when you are finished. We will discuss your situation then,"
ordered St. Peter.
Sister Margaret returned to Earth, smoked a Camel, and then
immediately called St. Peter, coughing and hacking. "Saint Peter"
she gasped, "I can hardly breathe, my mouth tastes terrible, my
breath stinks, I feel dizzy, and I think I am going to throw up."
"Good!" replied the old Saint. "Now you are finally getting a feel
for right and wrong. Now go out tonight and drink some hard liquor
and call me when you are ready."
Sister Margaret phoned St. Peter immediately after having several
belts of Jack Daniel's. "Saint Peter.......I feel woozy. That vile
liquor burned my throat and nauseated me. It is all I can do to keep
it down."
"Good, good! Now you are starting to see the difference between
right and wrong," said St. Peter with delight. "Tomorrow I want
you to seek out a man and know him in the Biblical sense. You
know, Have sex with him and afterward, call me."
Two weeks passed before Sister Margaret called St. Peter and
left a message:
"Yo, Pete, It's Peggy.........It's gonna be a while!"
all of his numbers continue to improve. He also said ...
http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/MisfitsCafe/message/168
The Most Astonishing Health Disaster of the Century !!!
==> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPI7zdGdqo4
MISFITSCAFE.COM | PO BOX 4286 | DELTONA FL 32725-0286
* To donate, use: http://misfitscafe.com/donate
Thank You & Looking Forward, StumpySteve MD
(\__/)
(='.'=) Dear Dorothy, Hate Oz. Took the shoes.
(")_(") Find your own way home!!! xoxo Toto
http://StumpySteve.com/forums (repaired)
*********************
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.