A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine.
He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into
the bartender's face.
Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the
man began weeping.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm really sorry. I keep doing that
to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is, to
have a compulsion like this."
Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before
long, he was suggesting that the man see an analyst about his
problem. "I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst," the
bartender said. "My brother and my wife have both been
treated by him, and they say he's as good as they get."
The man wrote down the name of the doctor, thanked the
bartender, and left.
The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a f
ellow human being.
Six months later, the man was back.
"Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, while
serving a glass of white wine.
"I certainly did," the man said. "I've been seeing the psychoanalyst
twice a week."
He took a sip of the wine. Then he threw the remainder into the
bartender's face.
The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. "The doctor
doesn't seem to be doing you any good," he sputtered.
"On the contrary," the man claimed, "he's done me a world of good."
"But you threw the wine in my face again!" the bartender exclaimed.
"Yes," the man replied, "but it doesn't embarrass me anymore."
- - - - -
A mid-level Blonde executive was so frustrated at being passed over
for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a
brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.
After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by
the center's director that he was an acceptable candidate.
"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this
procedure can be really expensive."
"Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's
brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an
economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate
president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a Democrat's brain
is seventy-five thousand dollars."
"Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of Democrat brain?
Why on earth is that?"
"Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many Democrats
it takes to get an ounce?"
- - - - -
St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven, my son. What did you do with your life
on earth?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the
hands of kids."
"Wonderful, my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through
the gates."
A few moments later, a second man walks up. "Welcome to
heaven, my son. What did you do with your life on earth?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe
for travelers."
"Well done. Pass through the gates into Paradise."
A few moments later a third man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a Military Policeman, Sir."
"Excellent, my son. I've gotta go pee, watch the gate while
I'm gone, will ya?"
- - - - -
"Get this," said one drinker to his friends at the bar.
"Last night while I was here with you guys,
a burglar broke into my house."
"Did he get anything?" his friends asked.
"Yeah... a broken jaw, two teeth knocked out, and a pair
of squashed nuts. The wife thought it was me coming
home drunk."
- - - - -
A middle aged couple is watching TV when an evangelist comes
on and promises to heal the sick.
The evangelist says, "Pray with me, placing your right hand in
the air and your left hand on the afflicted area."
So the man places his right hand in the air and his left hand on
his crotch.
His wife says, "Honey, he said heal the sick, not raise the dead."
- - - - -
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of
caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience.
"Well, I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the
expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator,
stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a
time.
"Hon," I suggested, "Why don't you try carrying several things at
once?"
The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?"
The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes
to get my breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."
all of his numbers continue to improve. He also said ...
http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/MisfitsCafe/message/168
The Most Astonishing Health Disaster of the Century !!!
==> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPI7zdGdqo4
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Thank You & Looking Forward, StumpySteve MD
(\__/)
(='.'=) Dear Dorothy, Hate Oz. Took the shoes.
(")_(") Find your own way home!!! xoxo Toto
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